A remarkable lady, with a heart-warming laugh, tells of the selflessness required to generate real love and happiness. Reading inbetween the lines she reveals personal sacrifice as an antidote for our social ills. How much courage is required to exert this technique and are there rewards in the process?
Curious? Read on …
Have you ever been interviewed before? If so when and why
My sister and I carried out a demo recently for Kiss FM community radio station; that’s a sort of interview as you’re being assessed in a manner of speaking. Kiss requested we put a demo together for a show they’re planning to air. We generated a sample similar to our current show on pirate radio; Bigga Breakfast. The recording was a hit and it was well received, though adhering to Ofcom rules and regs was a bit restrictive. It was a plus to be selected for the opportunity to go national and we gained personal development in the process too.
Most interesting fact/s about yourself
Typically people acknowledge me for being multi-talented and for how strong I am. I am one of those people who just makes things work and who doesn’t give up easily. I excel in bringing people together, regardless as to who they are.
The kid’s granddad says, ‘I’ll get my blessings in Heaven’. He tells me, ‘You’re my favourite person. I’ve watched you for so many years and your heart is made of pure gold. You’re always running up and down for others and expect nothing fe’ yourself.’
He has watched me with his grandchildren; treating them all fairly as if they were all my own.
Only three of my partner’s nine children are mine; five are from affairs, excluding his first born. I have a close relationship with four of the children and amicability with some of their mothers; don’t want to be too familiar with the mothers but we share a mutual understanding for the sakes of our children. The other mothers chose not to get too involved; either arrogance gets in their way or they live a distance. Making this arrangement work has taken time and energy and the results are worth it. Seeing the kids all fly to each other when they’re at family events and connecting well is a wonderful spectacle to behold.
Encouraging the children to bond from across these relationships really mattered to me as I grew up without knowing all my siblings. The difference was that my mum and dad were married. It was after their separation that my brothers and sister came along. We travelled across to the United States to get to know them. We all had to work at creating a connection. As they grew accustomed to our down-to-earth nature we achieved just that. There are risks in casual situations like these; one being that siblings who are not raised with an awareness of one another can fall in love when they’re grown. Incest actually occurred in the life of a friend of mine and a child was conceived. I vowed my son would never fall for a sister. I also hoped to reduce the awkward, obvious ‘step’ relationship scenario between the children by encouraging natural sibling bonds between them.
On the occasion that I experience a moment’s flashback of the hurt and betrayal I felt as a result of the affairs, I swallow the pain and instead think of the outcomes of my sacrifice. In place of bitterness I feel a sense of pride, relief, gratitude, reward and an abundance of love. It all could have gone so wrong. When I hear the children chilling out and reminiscing, sometimes right back to their early years, it brings me happiness. Sometimes they pull out the old photographs to remind them of fond memories together. At these times I take the credit and own this success because this bond is not a result of their father’s actions, just mine. Yet we come together and celebrate this as a family. I realise that it was my determination that made this family work.
Our children call me Kims and happily introduce me as their step mum, or as grandma (in the case of my step daughter’s son); I told her I’m not feeling being called grandma!
View on current societal behaviours – prominent attractions/ concerns
People need to be considerate of others and adjust themselves.
Last week my son performed at Whitworth Art Gallery. He didn’t invite me as he knows my views on explicit language.
At this festival there were probably over three hundred people and it was kind of a mixed bag; OAPs to one side and a lot of hippies on the other. My son gave an awesome performance, breaking into a great solo in the middle of an instrumental. Then he shouts, ‘Big up to my mum. If it wasn’t for her I wouldn’t be here today’. Immediately the crowd went mental; screamed, turned, pointed at me and on cue I cried; overwhelmed. Looking back at them through my tears, they all looked high. (Laughing)
The next artist sang a chorus of ‘Tear your fucking heart out’. He had a great voice and I understand the importance of expressing yourself, but that sort of language is totally unnecessary. And the crowd went mad for him!
In certain environments we should refrain from using certain vocabulary. There are often impressionable people listening who may go on to use the words another way; in a different way than intended. I may listen to music that contains swearing but I always consider the company; if there are young people I skip the track, if I am driving through town I’ll wind my windows up.
What is you main pet-peeve?
(Laughs)
Got loads! My main one though right; hate lying and manipulative people; when people think I am stupid but I tell you, I know better.
People who think their time is more valuable than mine annoy me. I tell them my time is also worthy and I am spending it in your interests. My ‘me’ time is usually worth more than they realise because it isn’t about the money that I make but the way in which time can be spent.
Have you experienced love? If so when and was it worth it
I think now and then I have been in love (laughing). Was it worth it I can’t really tell you as I’m still trying to figure it out.
I got my children in love and we’re attached to a good family; I am lucky to get the family. I told the children’s granddad; ‘Even if I didn’t get the man I got the family’. They all love me and hold me in the highest regard. Every time grandma has a drink the story of how we first met comes out. When I am there they see me.
At a recent funeral of a family friend on his side, I discovered the deceased had actually named my mother, over seventy years ago back in Jamaica; it feels like a destiny – I was meant to be there, with that family, at this time. The old lady had moved from Jamaica and lived in pretty close proximity to my mother even. Generations have passed and thousands of miles travelled and yet we were all connected and came together again. I even recognised my aunties picture in the Order of Service; profound connections. I guess this reassured me that I know that if I turned back the clock I would do it all again; the same way. This is the way life was meant to be for us and I don’t think I’d feel this much love surrounded by any other family. They give my ultimate acceptance and a deep confirmation of who I am; they shrink the void of my partner; if he was there it would be a bonus. The only awkwardness would be if he chose to marry someone else! (Laughing)
Granddad told me ‘I don’t attend weddings cos two minutes later them divorced. The only wedding I would go to is yours though.’
What would you recommend to improve social matters?
Love. Serious. If everyone showed love there’d be no jealousy. In uncomfortable social situations just throw love at people; the ‘law of attraction’. What I mean by throwing love is; approach them, talk to them in a warm tone with a positive attitude, show an interest. Show people who are cold to you love and you’ll get an unexpected response; they’re not always used to it.
See people for who they are and not their race, creed or colour.
If you found this article interesting please feel free to comment or ask questions below. Thank you for reading.
LJ Reel
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